Habits

Changing habits

1. Within your belief system, is there an ethic to change for the better?
What does this consist of?

selflessness
altruism
calm
assertiveness
love
thoughtfulness
sacrificing
self-denying
promoting faith, ideals

2. List some of your habits that might not lead to a healthy productive life. Here are some ideas:

chewing gum
fistfights and brawls
pornography
movie popcorn refills
biting fingernails
defending the wrong person
sleeping with the television on
sugar dependency
designing revenge
obsessive aerobics
overloading schedule with responsibilities
video games
espionage
cheating friends
buying all the rounds of drinks
drinking all the rounds
lying to those you like to have around
harming others physically
delaying getting a job
sneaking illegal substances
double parking
my list:

3. Go back to the above list and put down what you consider safe limits.
Once per week, one hour at a time, five times a day...

4. Do you actually want to change these?

5. Which of them give you a short rush of energy?

6. Which of them are comforting?

7. Which of the above areas do you honestly want incorporated in your life?

8. Which of the above changes do you think are reasonably attainable?

9. Do you feel like you will be in trouble for not changing some?

10. Does your God offer any assistance in making the changes?

11. Does your organization offer any support groups, counseling, classes to train you in these areas?

12. Do you appreciate the help from others, or prefer they stay out of your personal life?

13. Have you experienced negative motivation from others?

insults
physical harm
hierarchies, cliques, levels of goodness
blind advice
prodding to loosen up and invite danger more often
derision, scorn
misunderstanding
rivalry

14. Have you experienced positive motivation from others?

encouragement
compliments, praise
support
respect
good advice
hugs, smiles
new friendships
new opportunities
trust
resources, material help

15. Have you seen others grow and change for the better within your spiritual organization?

16. Do you often assume that what you want is against your God's will?

17. Does your religious organization motivate you to improve your life? How?

threats and humiliation
incentive of higher ranks and respect
suggesting results of certain actions
challenge for a higher spiritual goal
sympathy and empathy
non-intrusiveness
setting an example

18. Do any of these cross your mind when you think of changing?

I resent others' intrusion, they usually use it to trample others as they lift themselves up

I don't want everyone talking about how I changed; it's just another twist on the same judgements

I want to lock in my God's blessing, but I'm afraid that whatever I do, it won't be perfect.

I just want to let life happen. All this talk of improvement wearies me.

I am working so hard at making ends meet, I don't have time to waste on personal details.

19. I appreciate how my parents
or stepparents, guardians or grandparents

totally accept me
respect my opinion
listen when I need to sort out problems
consider me a friend
back me up when others criticize me
provide a financial cushion
have just the right advice
raised me fairly
provided rich childhood experiences
praise my accomplishments
still come to watch events of my life
accept and welcome others in my life
tell me honesty what they think of my decisions
gave me skills to operate successfully in society
Other…

20. I feel like it's impossible to have a day that's spent perfectly within my parents' standards.

I make up for this through:

extra phone calls, notes and visits
ignoring the internal voices
reminding them what I do for them
giving them things
reminding people what I've accomplished
yelling
antacids and aspirin
praying, meditating, or calming myself
taking it out on other family members
making up white lies
internalizing the frustration
driving myself harder
starving myself
coffee, beer, chocolate, smoking
running several miles
speeding while driving
making rash decisions
declaring I can do better
other...

21. I might feel more pressure from my sisters and brothers or grandparents than my parents. Over the years I've cringed at their criticism of:

everything
my appearance
the people in my life
my rate of professional development
my attitude toward school
my reputation
my integrity, level of honesty
my activities and interests
my competitiveness or lack of
other...

22. What would help get your mind off their judgment and allow you to move forward without fear of their words?

23. I feel a lot of support from my sisters and brothers in these areas:
or name another family member

friendship, someone to do things with (name which years)
hand-me-downs of furniture, baby clothes, tools, cars
welcoming others into my life
financial help
companionship, someone to invisibly depend on
making me laugh
handling family legal matters
protecting me from abuse
taking care of me when I'm sick
helping explain concepts legal, financial, algebra, dating, football, how to drive...
listening, not always giving advice
organizing family events
keeping me alive
helping take care of my kids, aging parents, goldfish
balancing my life persective
other...

Thank you, family.

24. Compare this with what your close friends bring into your life.

name which years

friendship, someone to do things with
hand-me-downs of furniture, baby clothes, tools, cars
welcoming others into my life
financial help
companionship, someone to invisibly depend on
making me laugh
handling family legal matters
protecting me from abuse
taking care of me when I'm sick
helping explain concepts legal, financial, algebra, dating, football, how to drive...
listening, not always giving advice
organizing family events
keeping me alive
helping take care of my kids, aging parents, goldfish
balancing my life persective
other...

Thank you, friends.

25. Comment on the statements below:

I feel like it's impossible to have a day that's used perfectly within my Higher Power's standards.

I know that my Higher Power forgives anything I do, so I'm not caught up in continual anger at myself.

My Higher Power makes mistakes too, so the standards are low.

There are ways to make up for my imperfections that put me at rest: fasting, prayer, offerings, certain rituals, giving to others.

Dear brothers, you are only visitors here. Since your real home is in heaven, I beg you to keep away from the evil pleasures of this world; they are not for you, for they fight against your very souls...For the Lord's sake, obey every law of your government...for he has sent them to punish all who do wrong and to honor those who do right.

I Peter 2:11, 14-15 TLB

At one time we were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

Titus 3:3-5 NIV

Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received and it will be yours.

Mark 11:24 RSV

Is that the sort of fast that pleases me,
a day when a person inflict pain on himself?
Hanging your head like a reed,
spreading out sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call fasting,
a day acceptable to Yahweh?
Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me:
to break unjust fetters, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break all yokes?

Is not sharing your food with the hungry,
and sheltering the homeless poor;
if you see someone lacking clothes, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own kin?
Then your light will blaze out like the dawn
and your wound be quickly healed over.
Saving justice will go ahead of you
and Yahweh's glory come behind you.
Then you will cry for help and Yahweh will answer.

Isaiah 58:5-9 NJB

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand fast therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us have no self-conceit, no provoking of one another, no envy of one another.

Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Look to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galations 5:1, 16
Galations 6:1,2 RSV

Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God."

James 1:13 RSV

Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the Lord. "I will protect them from those who might malign them."

Psalm 12:5 NIV

Look up other verses online

God, thank you for protecting me from things that could have happened when I continued in these patterns. You have offered Your holy spirit's traits and strength freely for us, with self-control available for the asking.

It's hard to understand how your grace works. It sounds too easy when we know that making changes on our own is such a strain. You know how addictions can put such a demand and pull on us. You know how our bodies move chemicals and hormones around, how our brain recognizes patterns.

Give me a desire to be more efficient, more thoughtful, more loving. Show Your mercy in my situation, Lord. Thank you for Your compassion.

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