Some of you…

…have a friend always asking for money and never repaying.

…work for a boss that laid off half the office, and asked you to take on three people's jobs.

…have a boyfriend or girlfriend who promises you true love, but flirts behind your back.

…deal with clients or suppliers or friends who seem a little shady.

…attend a church where the leadership speaks out against members who get too nosy.

You know in your gut that these things aren't right, but you put up with them…for how long?

Your sensibilities tell you that the decision has three or four directions it can head:

1. If you pestered your friend for the money, talk would shift to what a tightwad you were, even though you gave the money in the first place. The friendship you enjoyed would take on a different slant.

2. If you let it slide too long, eventually you'd be the one begging.

3. Your friend could pay you back and everyone would feel better.

Right.

With any of these situations, there is a prominent thought that holds one back from speaking out. If you complained to your boss, you would probably lose your source of income. If you confronted your client, you might be wrong and word could get around. You can clearly see consequences that would make your life less comfortable. But the consequences of letting this slide can be worse. Overlooking a love interest's wandering is the second ingredient for future divorce. Aligning yourself to the wrong person in business can put you in debt. Committing yourself to the wrong church can send your life into a downward tailspin. Signing a suspicious contract can land you in jail.

Some of us think that it's against our religion to speak against a larger authority, to resist the flow and the plans, or to offend people. Some of us are told so.

Have you heard these words?

• “Are you with us? If not, you should leave now.”
• “You are in rebellion. Rebellion is sin.”
• “You need to jump in the river of life and just flow with us.”
• “During this budget crunch, everyone needs to make sacrifices.”
• “Anyone who is truly committed will know God has called them to make sacrifices.”
• “You need the guidance of others to hear what God wants for your life.”
• “Our goal hasn't happened yet because your faith is too low.”
• “Your blessing is blocked because you're holding back money from God.”
• "You need counseling on this matter."
• “You would do it if you loved me.”
• “If you think of leaving me, remember I have a gun in the drawer."

And have you heard these?

Anyone is trapped who cries “Dedicated! and begins to reflect only after the vow. Prov. 20:25

The discreet sees danger and takes shelter, simpletons go ahead and pay the penalty.

Take the man's clothes! He has gone surety for a stranger. Take a pledge from him, for persons unknown. Prov. 27:12, 13

How do we spiritual people get into situations with people we don't trust?

You knew in your heart that you didn't want to be walked all over, but they interested you. You wanted them to like you. You wanted them to understand what you could offer.

Maybe their nonconforming edge intrigued you. You were willing to take that risk of finding out more, of building the connection, then of following.

They promised the world. You were in love. You finally got the job you wanted. You wanted to be helpful. You wanted respect.

To get somewhere in life, you need to give up a little of what you want. That's okay. It's a sign of maturity. When we are toddlers, we learn that sharing is the only way to avoid getting punched. As we grow older, we find that unexpected and delightful friendships form from talking to people we don't like. As our concern for success develops, we find that those with different skills and opinions are needed for strategic alliances.

It's okay to work with people you don't agree with. This is an inevitable part of life. Even the most honest, forthright person is going to slip up. They will even do things out of greed. They will feel totally justified doing something you can make no sense of.

Life holds no simple answers. People don't stick to their plans. Organizations rework their concrete visions. Don't be hard on yourself when you didn't predict someone else's dishonesty. They probably didn't plan to harm you. Just move with what's in front of you

Where do you learn to screen people?

Hopefully your parents told you not to give lunch money to bullies.

Your teachers told you not to give out answers during the test.

Your heart told you it was really irritating to watch that person lie to you.

A surprising amount of influence and teaching comes from movies and television. We complain about the corruption, but many of our good sensibilities were formed gradually from the media. Living with sisters and brothers teaches you early about fairness and tolerance levels.

But over several decades of attending church and listening to speakers, I can't recall one sermon on establishing trust before connecting yourself to someone. I suppose that youth group dating discussions covered the issue, but who was paying attention then? There were too many potential partners nearby to screen.

The Bible has plenty of insight on credibility, but it seems an unspiritual topic for a sermon. If you are a leader, you don't want to stir people to over-discern, or your office will be overrun that week with complaints about the job you're doing. I have stopped counting, in comparison, the number of sermons I've heard on turning the other cheek, or yielding to authority. These discussions were bold and biased. The Word says to submit, so we submit.

Speakers use examples of Jesus drawing up the coin from the water to pay his taxes (God will provide ways for you to submit), the controversial wives' passage, forgiving seventy time seven. Every sermon has a time limit. You just can't pack every surrounding topic into twenty minutes. The speaker might have even struggled with leadership issues of their own, and slanted their bias on guilt. Perhaps they'd had too many run-ins with their congregation, and wanted to convey a message that random opinions confused decisions, and didn't appear best for the organization. As the saints are taking on more spiritual authority and lay leadership, I am hearing proportionately more sermons on the evils of the congregation.

But you can express yourself without being a “mischief-maker, grumbler” (Jude16). Their perception of you is between themselves and God. You might be blacklisted, but you can still do the right thing.

Trampled and Walked All Over

An abused wife gains independence, but her husband makes it clearer that if she leaves the house, he'll shoot. You gain recognition from gangs or jocks or those that seem to have influence, but find yourself attached to their deceptions and stealing. The more you're in their face, the more they expect from you. Corporations accept the leadership of shareholders, “controlled by the people,” but this profit-based system of checks and balances has trampled the expertise of workers within the organization. The people with the knowledge to make decisions have declining influence. The answers might lie in restructuring. Or in walking away.

…Since you have put yourself in the power of your neighbour, go, humble yourself, plead with your neighbor, give your eyes no sleep…break free like a gazelle from the trap. Prov. 6:1-5

Christians talk a lot about forgiving and forgetting. But in our guts, we know there are instances where protecting ourselves and others wins out.

Taking Caution

First of all, check your heart. Make sure you are not just complaining about petty things. You can overlook one small comment or offense. Maybe set up a margin of error, ten or twenty percent per person, that you are willing to put up with. Were the errors from clumsiness or bad character? How much damage will be felt?

Friends might encourage you to stand up for yourself. This makes you uneasy, and you're not sure if it's the jitters or some virtuous corner inside you. They think you've turned to jelly when you're actually making an effort to work on the relationship, or flow with the company's vision, or be a team player, or take the doctor's advice to reduce stress.

A wink of the eye brings trouble, a bold rebuke brings peace. Prov. 10:10

How do you face your decisions about trust?

Your love should be for the collective people, to protect the many influenced by the corrupt person. Use these questions to start deciding where to head:

1. Does the offender lack respect for the dignity of others?
2. Will that person continue this practice with others?
3. Has the person ever apologized?
4. What are your actual losses to date? Project further.
5. Will confrontation help others involved, or subject them to increased abuse?
6. Do you see an underlying agenda for their errors, that you should address first?
7. Is it safer to speak to them in person, or write your concerns?
8. Could that person sabotage other areas of your life?
9. Is a higher authority in place, to keep the person in line? Call on them.
10. Are there others impacted that could use your support?
11. Would a discussion group help others sort out the issues? Gather some people.

Do not cause dissension just to feed the rush you feel when angry. That's called adrenaline, not insight.

The violent lays himself open to a penalty; spare him, and you aggravate his crime. Proverbs 19:19

Forgiveness or Correction?

The references to forgiveness in the New Testament show hope for change of heart, even to the seventy-times-seven extreme. Most in Old Testament are not about others, but about God forgiving us. He is our example. You can hold a strong sense of justice in the same hand as an olive branch.

Whoever covers an offense promotes love; whoever again raises the matter divides friends. Prov. 17:9

Separate the issue of forgiveness from the issue of justice. They are two different things. You can love someone and want a corrected future for them. You can hate someone and let them slide into their own cesspool.

Pearls to Swine

If you're planning to confront, try to project the impact of what you say. Will the person listen?

Reprove a mocker and you attract contempt, rebuke the wicked and you attract dishonor. Do no rebuke the mocker, he will hate you. Rebuke the wise and he will love you for it. Proverbs 9:7

What your eyes have witnessed do not produce too quickly at trial, for what are you to do at the end should your neighbor confute you? Proverbs 25:8

Confronting Corruption

Jesus disrupted the money changers. He reprimanding the Pharisees. This loving Lord called people “You brood of vipers.” The wisdom of Proverbs 27:5 encourages honest reproof over pretending to agree.

The prophets throughout the Old Testament carried unattractive messages to repent, or the whole town will be overrun with plague. Daniel had favor with his idol-worshipping king, but didn't hesitate to tell him his kingdom was going down. Kings raved about Daniel's reputation for wisdom and insight, and were grateful for Daniel's advice. Several kings came to praise the living God after Daniel's interpretations warned them of danger.

Chaldean King Belteshazzar raved about Daniel's insight and perception, and invited him to a feast. The creepy writing appeared on the wall, and Daniel reprimanded Belteshazzar for stealing the temple vessels and using them at his party. The king was assassinated the next day. Daniel prophesied to Nebuchadnezzar that he was proud of his kingdom, and God would humble him until he realized God was the almighty. Daniel suggested that he break his sins by showing mercy to the poor and taking upright actions. A year later, Nebuchadnezzar was strolling in his palace and said “Great Babylon, I built this thing!” and a voice came from heaven, “You didn't listen, did you?” This is when he ate grass out in the wilderness and grew his nails long.

When he finally gave in , God restored his kingdom to him. Daniel's dream interpretation was respectful. It was logical. It was compassionate. But he did not fail to speak the truth, in order to prevent someone's downfall. We like to make up what we think God would do, but His Old Testament form of prophecy was a colossal intervention, a bold “Hey you.”

It's all in the Delivery

A friend hands you a book on dressing for success, and says, “You should read this.” Do you take offense? Or do you say “Geesh, that's so thoughtful of you to think of me.” Come on, be honest.

People are put in a position of leadership because someone trusts them to do the job well. Much of their life revolves around a complex mix of goals, addressing concerns above and below, trying to squeeze in their own objectives. There are, of course, gains that motivate people to become leaders. But leadership is primarily service.

A very simplified and demeaning parallel is dog ownership. If you, the leader, forget to feed the dog, the dog will whine until you take care of his needs. There are days when you just want to take a nap on the couch, but the dog thinks a walk would be fun. You need to go out of town for a week, but can't leave the dog home alone. The responsibility is always there, always on your mind. On the other side there's the dog, who knows that he'll destroy your rug if he can't go out NOW. He knows how mad you get when the rug is destroyed. But you're asleep on the couch telling him to take his own nap.

What is my point? Consider all sides. Understand the needs of your leaders, just as you're expecting them to understand yours. Tell them your needs. Stand up for others who have needs. Voicing concerns before they are neglected helps prevent heated arguments and taking side. Persuade and forewarn, rather than tell off. Think of advantages to various groups, and be ready to find a balance.

The prophets did not relish delivering the message. If you find yourself foaming at the mouth to stick it to the leaders, your words will have the opposite effect.

People In Power Are Not All Trustworthy.

That's my political joke. It seems so obvious when you recall the cracks you've heard about each president in your lifetime, about corrupt CEO's, more recently the devastating information about some priests. We always seem on edge about people taking us for granted. Nahum wrote against the habitual plundering by Ninevah, “packed with lies, stuffed with booty.” (Nahum 3:1) Ninevah fell in 612 BC.

A country in revolt throws up many leaders; with one person wise and experienced, you have stability. Prov. 28:2

I consider the US quite a skeptical nation, viewing investigative reporters for entertainment and poking enough fun at national events that we actually learn something. We make fun, but we don't all take advantage of the political process to make changes.

When was the last time you wrote a congressman? Attended a town meeting? Served on a nominating committee at church? The country is busy with overtime, busy driving kids to soccer, busy watching the news. Remember that iron sharpens iron…people need each other's disagreements to balance an organization. (Proverbs 27:17)

After the shaking of terrorist activity in the US, we allowed every institution to screen participants and invade privacy. We signed medical forms allowing any governing party access to our records.

Habakkuk begged God to stop overlooking oppression and injustice of Babylon. God responded that he was already stirring up the Chaldeans to come against them. Why treat people like fish of the sea, like gliding creatures who have no leader? They haul them all up on their hook, they catch them in their net, sweep them up in their dragnet and then make merry and rejoice. Habakkuk 1:14-15 JB

If you think that God turns a blind eye to oppressors and asks you to support injustices, pick any book of the Old Testament and takes a deeper look.

God protects the trampled, and strategizes to expose greedy frauds. Yahweh pulls down the house of the proud, but he keeps the widow's boundaries intact. Prov.15:25

Back on Us

We bring donuts to the office, then insult the nation's obesity.

We bring our kids to movies that we suspect will embarrass or harm them.

We lie about forgetting election day, or blood donations, or giving back what we borrowed. Some of us allow our kids to play violent video games. Who has the time to screen them all?

Some of us allow chat room relationships to form, then read the news about abductions and say “how horrible.”

We figure out fun ways to spend the petty cash fund instead of using it to enhance the office's productivity. The next year we complain that budgets were frozen. When we are in power, are we trustworthy?

Read Proverbs 27-28, and you will find many sensible answers. Read the gospels, and you will see good possibilities. Read Leviticus, and you will find the groundworks for a fair and thoughtful community.

Pray, Pray.

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